Taxi Tales and Other Stories by John Lockett

Author:John Lockett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Self-Publishing

Geography

As yet another day slowly eased by, I eventually pulled up outside one of the local primary schools to begin my school runs. All the usual folk were there picking up their children and I casually leant against my taxi gazing at nothing in particular while I waited. There was a small group of mothers waiting for their kids, and one or two of them waved at me and I gave a wee wave in return. Then one of them beckoned me over.

Lady 1 – John, come here

I sauntered over to her thinking that she maybe wanted a taxi later and was going to book it with me there and then, so I took the booking sheet with me.

Me – Afternoon, ladies

Lady 1 – Do you ken where Balmedie is, John?

Me (rubbing my chin) – No, sorry. Never heard of the place

Lady 2 (amazed) – What do you mean “Never heard of the place”?

Me – Ahem. I mean the name isn’t familiar to me. I’ve never heard of it. I don’t know where it is and I don’t think it’s local

Lady 2 – Not local?

Me – I’m sorry, but I’ve never heard of it. Is it a village or the name of a farm?

Lady 1 – It’s a village

Me – No, I still can’t place it. I know most places around here now. I even know where Gass is and I think that’s the smallest place on any map I’ve ever come across

Lady 2 – Gass? Where’s that?

Me – It’s between Dalmellington and Straiton

Lady 1 – Don’t ken the place

Lady 2 – Never heard of it

Me – What do you mean “Never heard of it”?

Lady 2 (laughing) – Och you cheeky so and so

Me – This Balmedie place. Why are you asking about it? What’s the story?

Lady 1 – It’s near Aberdeen and I thought you might ken it

Me – Aberdeen is about two hundred miles away! How on Earth would I know a village that far away? Would an Aberdeen taxi driver know where Gass was? You don’t, and it’s only a few miles up the road

Lady 1 – I thought you taxi drivers were smart and knew this kind of stuff

Me – I’m not Google Maps, you know

I ambled back to my taxi, resumed my leaning posture and pondered why on Earth they were asking me about a place that was two hundred miles away. I gave up trying to reason why and didn’t even want to ask them. If I was as smart as she thought I was, I wouldn’t be driving a Vauxhall for a living.

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